This is a power that mankind has gone to great lengths to hide and suppress, but our dirty little secret is with varying degrees, women of every size, shape and age have the ability to make men do...well just about anything...with or against their will. Ask Mike Tyson.
But a trip to the bar last weekend made me realize that we are not completely powerless in the battle of the sexes. Men in fact have their own ace in the hole.
The bar was packed to see a local band, so we got the last available table top which was positioned with our backs to the stage. This provided us with a similar perspective as the band. While we couldn't see the musicians, we had a great view of the crowd. And because we were off to the side and in an assigned seat, we could watch the patrons without them really noticing. For a people watcher like myself, it was the best seat in the house.
The band itself was comprised of four of five guys in their late 20's to early 30's. Guys with regular jobs, for whom rocking out is a weekend hobby, but who are really talented and cool enough to get away with facial hair and thumb rings that would otherwise make me look like an old queen.
But what made these guys really different was that they were fronted by a 17 year old nerd. One of the folks I was with was the kids high school teacher, and the he stopped by the table before hand to say hello. He was a nice enough kid, fairly smooth and intelligent, but he was about 5'8", 125 lbs, and looked like Peter Parker without a camera.
A few minutes past nine and after a ripping sound check* they started with the distinct guitar riff to the Black Crowes, "Twice as Hard" and I thought to myself, " maybe the have Peter Parker on tambourine for the first couple of songs to work the nerves out". By the time they got through, "Clean as a whistle, Smellin' like a rose...." I had to look around the corner to see who was belting out this booming voice. Sure enough it was Spiderman.
For the next hour I listed to this kid completely turn the room out with everything from the Beatles, to the Who, through Kiss and Zeplin, and the whole time the I watched women from 18 - 48 completely transfixed. It was amazing....in any other setting this kid wouldn't get a second look, but here I sat and watched young girls blush and grown women with less than innocent ( if not criminal) intent.
He was like a wizard. Like some sort of Harry Potter with a boner.
In any case, that's it. That's what we got boys. Get yourself a guitar, a drum set or a washboard, and start memorizing the lyrics to " Your Body is a Wonderland". Its our only hope.
* I'm a huge fan of sound checks. I prefer the old, " mic check mic check 1-2" over popping sounds, but I'll take what I can in a pinch. Of course the legendary Pearl Jam - Unplugged ( Alive) soundcheck remains the measure of all others.