Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Most of that time has been rerouted in very productive ways; I've been getting stuff done around the house, I'm spending a lot more time with the kids, hell I started exercising a little.
But sometimes I just want to sit there and veg.
I can't take the reality TV stuff, so that's not really an option. So what I've done is started playing online scrabble. Yeah...scrabble.
I'm sure this will come as great amusement to the regular readers who know I might be the most atroci...atroshou... terrible speller this side of the Susquehanna. Thankfully for me they have two types of games:
* The first type is the challenge game. You lose 20 points and a turn if you spell a word wrong and its challenged and you get to challenge other words. I think I'm the lowest ranked "English as a first language" player on the site. Every time I challenge they have some crazy ass real word...and you can imagine that a fair number of my words get tossed out.
* In the other version if you spell a word wrong the computer tells you that you have an illegal word and provides you with another chance. In this version I'm doing quite well. And it seems as if the game is steadily improving my spelling. For instance 'suede' is now part of my lexicon...as is 'lexicon'.
But my favorite part of the game is the fact that I think I've tapped into the last corner of the internet that hasn't been tainted or embittered by trolls, pricks, or bastards. Its a community of polite, pleasant, courteous players. This is the absolute opposite of online poker. Most are middle aged or older women and for many of the folks this is their social outlet.
And before you think I've gotten soft...or that my heart has been warmed by finding goodness in a wasteland of evil...I want to reassure you that my newfound joy is far more nefarious than that. I see the situation more like a gigantic landscape of new fallen snow that I now get to track the first footprints through.
Yesterday I lost two games from running out of time because I was too busy telling people how I way trying to get high by sniffing purple magic markers. I may have also mentioned that I was trying to get high because I really wanted to pleasure myself, but that I found me repulsive. I had all the blue hairs in a tizzy.
I'm setting the over/under for me getting kicked off at 9:43 pm tonight.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
I'd love to write about knocking my kids tooth out the other night. Or I'd love to write about how I tripped and fell into a case of Dogfishhead IPA 90 and that the only cure was to eat and entire pizza by myself. Or about a dozen other things...all of which would continue to have people at parties point at me and stare. I had a woman at a poker game the other night introduce herself by saying, "Please don't yell at me". Yell at her ??? I'm like the nicest guy you'll ever meet.
My gawd, you attack one guy with a snow shovel and all of a sudden you have a reputation !
I almost had an amazing moment yesterday. I almost got an entire dump in without someone running into the bathroom to ask me a question. Sadly, just before I reached for the toilet paper the youngest one burst throught the door.
" WHAT !?" , I yelled in my typically understanding style.
" I....ahhhhh.....ummmmm..", then she just stood there staring at me.
And then she ran off.
So the streak stays alive at 2 years, 3 months, and 11 days.
And if you've never heard Tuff_Fish then you've never experience the joy of defeatism:
Monday, January 29, 2007
Dude the the inherantly sexist nature of the title, and due to the expressed interest from a number of woman wanting to participate, we are changing the title of the competition.
I welcome all suggestions for a catchy name for the contest.
Anyway...March 10th it's going down.
The contest is going to consist of
9 holes of golf ( weather permitting)
Darts - baseball format
Pool - 8 ball
bowling - one game
Basketball - foul shot contest
Poker - NL texas Holdem ( 1000 starting chips, plus whatever you earn throughout the day)
Once again, contestants can earn additional points for beers consumed.
The reigning winner in Marty F. who came into the final event with a chip deficit but used his card playing experience and moderate sobriety to outlast the other competitors.
I currently hold the points record, but that's vulnerable and Ron has the beer drinking point record which many consider to be untouchable at 210 points ( 21 drinks).
Anyone interested in participating should contact me as spot are limited. We could also use someone to drive the van.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Photographs posted on social networking Web site Facebook.com showed partygoers wearing Afro wigs and fake gold and silver teeth. One photo showed students "mocking how African-Americans do step shows," Elder said. In another picture, a student is dressed as Aunt Jemima and carries a gun.
Thought for the day "Funk is soul music with a boner"
Thought for today II " The age at which 24 year old guys start calling you 'sir' is the same age at which 24 year old chicks start calling you 'old and creepy' "
and yes, I just made both of those up.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Anyway, E. Howard had two major jobs during his tenure at the CIA...Watergate and the Bay of Pigs. That's not a very good batting percentage.
He was accused of being involved with the Kennedy assasination, but his best defense was, " I couldn't have done that one, it actually worked."
But out of respect for the dead, I offer up an overview of his life
Monday, January 22, 2007
Joshua S. Hanson, 29, of Blair, Wis., was taken to a hospital. Police and fire officials said he had multiple broken bones and internal injuries.
The man must have "an angel on his shoulder or something," said police Lt. Dale Barsness. "He's a lucky guy."
According to a police report, Hanson and two friends returned from a night of drinking at about 1:30 a.m Saturday. When the elevator reached the 17th floor, Hanson ran down a short hallway toward a floor-to-ceiling window, Barsness said.
He apparently lost his balance and crashed through the glass, then fell 300 feet, landing on the roof overhang one floor up from the street.
The window was double-paned and had a safety bar, said Tom Mason, general manager of the Hyatt.
Police said Hanson was conscious and communicating when he was taken off the overhang.
"This has never happened before," said Mason, who added that hotel officials will investigate and take whatever steps to ensure the hotel's safety.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
But I just realized what's happnin here. Marvin is the master.
He must have gone through women like other people go through air.
I can se Marvin about 19 years old, with some girl, on her Mamma couch. She's putting up a little resistance and Marvin laying this rap on her. Pushing the limit, pushing...then backing off a little...then hitting it again...
" Hey baby....
I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then, c'mon, oh, c'mon
Let's get it on
Ah, baby, let's get it on
Let's love, baby
Let's get it on, sugar
Let's get it on
We're all sensitive people
With so much to give
Understand me, sugar
Since we've to be here
I love you
There's nothing wrong with me
Loving you, baby no no
And giving yourself to me can never be wrong
If the love is true
Don't you know how sweet and wonderful life can be
I'm asking you baby to get it on with me
I ain't gonna worry
I ain't gonna push, won't push you baby
So c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby
Stop beatin' 'round the bush
Let's get it on
Let's get it on
You know what I'm talkin' 'bout
Let your love come out
If you believe in love
Let's get it on
Let's get it on, baby
This minute, oh yeah
Let's get it on
Please, let's get it on
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby
Stop beatin' 'round the bush
Oh, gonna get it on
Threaten' you, baby
I wanna get it on
You don't have to worry that it's wrong
If the spirit moves ya
Let me groove ya good
Let your come down
Oh, get it on
Do you know the meaning?
I've been sanctified
Girl, you give me good feeling
I just took a day off yesterday. No reason, no notice, just decided...fuck it...I'm taking a day off.
And it was good.
Got some good coffee, spent some rare time with Mrs. Flick ( with no children around !!!), played a little online poker, went to the gym and hooped it up..
Then I came home and made myself a cheesesteak sandwich with
* cheese whiz
* steak sauce
* and a toasted bun with fresh roasted garlic
It may have been the greatest steak sandwich in the history of Chez Flick.
Then I basked in the afterglow of the sandwich for about 20 minutes.
By then it was only 2:00.
Played with the kids, hung with a friend, had a few beers, went to bed.
Caught a little of it on video...enjoy
I'm going to handle retirement just fine.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Yummy stuff. 9% alcohol, 300 calories per serving. It's the beer equivalent of doing a shot and eating a candy bar.
The last thing I remember with any clarity is saying to Ron, " OK....how about just one more round ?"
I'm so hungover and puffy this morning that I literally could NOT get my wedding ring on.
To make matters worse, I woke to this...
Mrs. Flick: You need to talk to the children.
Mrs. Flick: The older ones were teasing the little one again last night and I heard a bunch of screaming.
Mrs. Flick: When I walked in the room Hot Gril and The Boy were up on the to of the computer desk, screaming, and cowering in the corner, and defending themselves with pillows.
Me: urgh ?
Mrs. Flick: Because the 4 year old had a pair of scissors and was trying to 'shiv' them
Me: URGH !
Mrs: Flick: Well ? Are you going to address this ?
Me: KIDS !!!!! Stop teasing your little sister or she's going to cut you !
Mrs. Flick: You know you really are useless.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
I've never understood this modern phenomena of "accepting responsibility" as being absolution. I mean saying that you 'accept responsibility' but then don't actually suffer any consequences for your action is just about the definition of a hollow promise.
" Yeah, I fucked your sister when you were away with the kids at your mother's house....but you know what...I'm going to take ownership for that...I'm going to accept responsibility"....try selling that shit in the real world...the only thing you'll be accepting is a knife in your eye while you're sleeping.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I don't have a solution...and yeah, the Democrats are a giant bunch of douchebags....all that is a given. But forgive me for being a bit put-out for having to watch the President act like a fourth grader with a bad report card saying, " I'm sorry Mommy, I'll try harder this marking period"...all the while 23 year old kids are having their arms and legs blow off.
Yeah, we're spreading freedom and democracy....too bad it's first vestiges have come in the form of a kangaroo court leading to a 1800's style lynching of the dude who's crime was killing radicals to ensure the general safety and security of Iraq. Fuck hanging him, we should have given him a spot on the new commission announced last night.
Ok, you put up with just about enough of that. Here's some hot chicks:
( Ladies, In the spirit of equal time I was going to post a picture of some hot guys, but the first thing that turned up on my google search involved multiple penises and after I got done scrubbing my eyes with a brillo pad I just sort of lost interest)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
" No" I told them, " that would be wrong."
So I taught them rummy, I taught them war, I taught them slap jack.
" These games suck", the boy said, " I want the poker."
" When do we use the chips ?" Hot Gril asked.
So after much badgering I figured I'd show them a game or two...I mean what could be the harm.
We started with the basics and I showed them "what beats what" first excluding the mention of flushes and straights and then added them in. We played 5 card stud, double draw. And I gave them each a dozen chips.
I thought my moral dilemma was going to be whether or not I should teach them to play. That turned out to be the least of my worries.
My real problem was that I was getting sick cards. I mean SICK ! I was getting dealt trips and two pair almost every time. If I needed an inside straight... POW I'd hit my 4 outter. I was killing the game !
All those hours online without shit, all those live games with bad beats, all those inside straight and flush draws that I blank out on...and here, with my 8 and 6 year old kids I suddenly turn into a card rack.
What's a brother to do ? I mean I could take a dive and make them excited to be winners. I could bring some joy to a child's life....but really, would that be the right thing to do ?
I mean wouldn't that be giving them false hope ? Wouldn't that be giving them a skewed perspective on the game....ON LIFE ? I mean they're already being set up with Stan Claus and the tooth fairy.
Plus, i mean really, IT'S A FULL HOUSE ! I can't lay down a full house.
I figured I'd settle for some middle ground and decided not to check raise the little scions.
The girl lasted longest. And she went down with a fight.
The boy cried when I busted him...jacks and 3s over 8's and 4's. CRIED ! OVER A CARD GAME !
Like father, like son.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Friday, January 05, 2007
Celebrity Boxing was a short-lived Fox television series, in which celebrities whose careers and/or notoriety had waned were pitted against each other in exhibition boxing matches. The contestants wore headgear during the fights, which were scheduled for three rounds apiece. Only two episodes of the show were aired, both in the spring of 2002.
 First episode
Bonaduce vs. Williams: Bonaduce was introduced by ring announcer Michael Buffer as Danny "Boom Boom" Bonaduce. He had a GoldenPalace.com tattoo on his back. Williams was billed as "Barry Da Butcher." Bonaduce dominated the bout, knocking Williams down five times before referee Marty Denkin called a halt to the action in round two.
Bridges vs. Ice: Bridges was introduced as Todd "Mad Dog" Bridges. Meanwhile, Ice had Tank Abbott working in his corner. Bridges was in control throughout nearly the entire fight, flooring Ice in rounds one and two. All three judges scored the bout 30-27 in his favor.
Jones vs. Harding: Tonya Harding was billed as "TNT," and was also sponsored by GoldenPalace.com. Jones was presented as Paula "The Arkansas Pounder" Jones. Both contestants declined to have their weights disclosed. Jones reportedly took the bout as a late replacement for Amy Fisher , and she appeared extremely reluctant to fight. She frequently turned and ran away from Harding whenever she was hit, and at one point attempted to hide behind the referee. In the final round, she at last announced that she did not wish to continue with the bout. Harding was awarded the victory by technical knockout.
 Second episode
The second episode aired on May 22, 2002. Darva Conger took on Olga Korbut in the opening bout. This fight was followed by Dustin "Screech" Diamond vs. Ron "Horshack" Palillo and Manute Bol vs. William "Refrigerator" Perry. Joey Buttafuoco took on Joanie "Chyna" Laurer in the main event.
Barry Williams also appeared in this episode, singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" before the first bout, and conducting interviews with some of the fighters.
Conger vs. Korbut: Korbut, who had been charged with shoplifting $19 worth of groceries just four months prior to this match , was rocked by Conger on several occasions, but was never knocked down, and managed to last until the final bell. Conger won via unanimous decision.
Diamond vs. Palillo: Palillo, who was introduced as "The Pulverizer," attempted to stare Diamond down, and even shoved him after the fighters had been given their pre-fight instructions. Once the bell rang, however, Diamond was in complete control. Palillo was knocked down twice in round two, and the fight was stopped at the time 1:23 in the same round. Palillo finished the bout with a pair of black eyes.
Bol vs. Perry: Bol utilized lateral movement and his 102-inch reach to outbox the nearly-immobile Perry, winning a decision by the scores of 30-27 on all cards. Bol stated in a post-fight interview that he would donate his purse to relief efforts for victims of the Second Sudanese Civil War.
Buttafuoco vs. Laurer: Laurer was a late substitute for John Wayne Bobbitt, who had been scratched from the bout after being charged with physically abusing his wife.  There were no knockdowns in the fight (although Buttafuoco twice pushed Laurer to the canvas), and the bout appeared to be competitive overall. Former lightweight champion Ray Mancini, calling the fight for Fox, expressed the opinion that the decision could conceivably go either way. In the end, though, Buttafuoco took a majority decision, with one judge scoring the match even, and the other two scoring it for Buttafuoco by the scores of 29-27 and 29-28.
This post was stolen completely from wikipedia. WIKI is awesome. If you use it, or you enjoyed this article, please support them with a donation.
That can be the only explanation for why she continues to give me a locker right next to the only other guy at the gym.
324 freakin lockers in the place and she keeps putting me right next to naked man.
And while we're on it, what ever happened to humility. Humility is good. At the very least its better than some dude standing there for 20 minutes telling me about, AND DEMONSTRATING, his new golf swing while in the nude. Put some damn underwear on man !
There's one guy in particular who has a giant package who I don't think I've ever seen actually work out. NO NO NO, check that....I can't ever remember him having clothes on. Ok dude, you've got a giant apple hanging from a rope...congrats...now put some pants on and go see the world.
Maybe I gotta switch gyms.
Enough of that.
I hooked my laptop up to my TV last night. Now I'm shopping for a stereo to hook up to the both of them. My hope is to be able to use musicmatch jukebox as well as Vongo or some other online movie service to be able to have a virtually unlimited catalogue of music and movies.
I figure that if I'm going to be a big fat fuck, I might as well go pro.
And for the record, I broke 210lbs on New Years Day.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Passenger: When can we leave ?
Pilot: When the storm passes
Passenger: When's that ?
Pilot: Looks like about 2 hours.
Passenger: TWO HOURS !!!! WE CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG. I HAVE BUSINESS !
Pilot: Well I'm not flying the plane in a lightning storm, so unless you plan on flying, we aren't going anywhere.
2 minutes later
Passengerr: Can we go yet ?
Pilot: No. If we go up now we will die in a firey crash.
2 minutes later
Passengerr: Can we go yet ?
2 minutes later
Passengerr: Can we go yet ?
1 minute later
Passenger: Can we go yet ?
Pilot: ( exasperated) You know what ? YEAH, FINE, YOU WANNA GO THAT BADLY. GET IN THE PLANE.
Passenger: Is it safe ?
Pilot: NO IT'S NOT SAFE, I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU IT'S NOT SAFE.
Passenger: Oh. Um, OK maybe we should wait.
2 minutes later
Passenger: Is it safe yet ?
Which sadly reminds me of my job anymore.
Concerned Resident and/or elected officiail ..AKA CREO
Busy And Responsible Friendly Servent ( BARFS)...AKA Flick
CREO: The creek is getting flooded, it's because the catch basin is wrong.
BARFS: Hang on a second. Do you mean the catch basin or the construction dentention basin ?
CREO: Whatever. You know the thing with the water.
BARFS: Um, ok Im going to assume you mean the detention basin. Yeah, how is it wrong ?
CREO: The water runs out of it too slowly and it's causing flooding.
BARFS: Well if the water is running out too slowly...how is there flooding ?
CREO: Because the holes are too small.
BARFS: (confused, as usual, by this logic) So you'd want me to ....?
CREO: Fix it.
BARFS: Ok, so despite $10,000 of engineering being done to build the basin, a professional contractor building the basin, an inspector affirming that everything is working properly, and me telling you that the area floods LESS than it has over the last 20 years.....you're telling me that the basin is broke because the holes are too small.
CREO: You got it.
BARFS: And you'd like me to "make the holes bigger" so that the water leaves the basin FASTER.
BARFS: And then somehow, through voo-doo magic perhaps, that shoving MORE water...FASTER...into the creek will make the creek flood LESS ?
CREO: Well....whatever you think best.