The Republican Party called me last night and asked me a bunch of questions to get a feel their base.
Lady: Do you think marriage should be between a man and woman.
Me: Umm, I don't think the government should be invovled in marriage at all. Why should I have to consent or acknowledgment of the government if I want to live with someone and have children with them ?
Lady: Um, the choices are yes, no, or undecided.
Me: Hmm, that's all I'm allowed to say ?
Me: Ok then no, marriage should not be between a man and a woman.
Lady: Do you think abortion should be illegal ?
Me: Well all abortion or just some abortion ? And beyond that, should the party be focused on the causes of unwanted...
Lady: Yes, No, or undecided.
Me: Well it sounds like you guys are really trying to get in touch with your base that's for sure. If those are my choices I'm going to go with legalized abortion, you sort it out.
Lady: OK, will you be voting for Rick Santorum.
Me: Probably not.
Lady: Is that a no or a maybe.
Me: Hmmmm, If you're going to press me I going to have to assume that he's still going to be an asshole over then next few months and go with NO.
Lady: Lynn Swann
Me: Are you serious ?
Lady: Joe Pitts
Me: HA !
Lady: Are you sure you're a Republican ?
Me: Are you ?
So in order for the PA to get FEMA funding...and so that Presdient Bush looks like less of a douchebag the next time a Katrina hits, all elected and most appointed officials throughout the country have to get special FEMA NIMS training.
What this consists of is people sitting through an all day class learning the neatest new terminology and anamgrams. ICM....ASP....MENA.....blah blah fucking bullshit.
Then at the end you take a 25 question test.
The first batches of people were all failing the stupid test and after seeing the questions I can understand why. The questions are retarded and ambiguous.
So then they let people take the test open book...and failure rate was still high.
Now they've just taken to highlighting the answers on the question sheet...thankfully people started passing the thing.
They're recently made the test available online. That's how I 'took the course'. it's also how I passed the test.
The way I figure it, if I'm smart enough to google " NIMS answer key" then I'm smart enought to dial 911.
And I'm definately smart enough to not fucking live below sea level.
So see, it all works out.