In a previous post ( April 9th) I talked about the diabetic mom who we watched slam beer with a soda chaser.
The set-up is this. The older son live in a place two town away. Mom lives with wheel-chair bound Grandma so that they can help her out. When we've played poker, we've played at Grandma's house.
What I hadn't mentioned perviously is that there are two other boys in the picture....The Twins...who also live with Grandma. No so much to help her out, but because living with Grandma is better than living in the woods or in a refrigerator box.
The Twins, who I'll refer to as Heckle and Jekyl, are some interesting characters. The could not be nicer more sincere guys. That being said, they're kinda freaky. The look like the just stepped out of the Appalachian backwoods. They have....maye...a set of teeth between them. And I'm fiarly certain that they shave on a regular basis, but that they shave with a set of high powered hedge clippers.
The thing about these two is that I see the everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. Every pub poker game I've been to....they're there. Every home game I've been to in the last two months...THEY'RE THERE ! So last Monday I was driving home from work and I knew there was a game at a local establishment that I had not been to. I wasn't going to play, but I wanted to see what it was like and how many people were there. As I walked into the place I thought to myself, " Well whatever it's like, at least I won't see the twins here." as this place is on the other side of the county and on the same night that I had seen the Twin at another game.
I strolled into the bar and the place was empty. There was a sea of poker tables set up but no people. As I walked further in I saw two barflys at the corner of the bar....but they are always there. I'm not sure that they even leave when the place closes up. And of course there was the bartender. Build it and they won't come...very odd. Then I noticed that there was one more table set up in the back and I heard some noise so I walked back. Sitting there were three people. The dude who runs the tournaments...and bookending him on either side.....The Twins.
Instinctively I screamed, well more like a YELP than a scream, which startled the three of them. The guy who runs the thing said, " hey we're starting late tonight that's why no one his here yet."
" Ababababababab," the Twin had be a little freaked, " ehhhh, Hi guys ahhhhh surprised to see you all the way over here."
Both twins looked at me with blank stares as if they've never seen me before. After ten seconds, which felt like two hours, they went back to playing cards without saying a word.
Now these aren't people who don't know me. I've been to their house. I've played with them for hours at the table. I've bought them drinks. These guys know me....or should I say two guys who look like them know me. I'm now convinced that this is some sort of government project or alien invasion. There's no way possible that these two can be everywhere at once ! I've cracked the code.
The bigger concern is that if aliens have invaded us and have sent spies that look like Heckle and Jeckyl into pub poker to learn a little bit about our civilization...well, frankly we're fucked. Either they're going to pass us by or they're going to blow us up....because if your assesment is based on pub poker....and mind you I've a huge fan...then I'm pretty sure that earth has little to offer.
But that's really not why I mentioned any of this.
The reason I mentioned this is that right before I went on vacation, the Twins invited me back to their Grandma's house to play in a game. They told me that they were playing every other Saturday, but I couldn't remember if the night wanted to play was an on or off night. So desperate for a game I drove over there to check it out. When I arrived there were 100 cars parked around the yard. Problem is, there are always 100 cars parked around the yard...most of them on blocks. The second noticeable thing was that all the blinds were drawn....which is typical when they are playing poker.
I hung outside and lurked in the shadows looking for any signs of life. I waited a while and didn't hear or see anything. Growing increasingly frustrated I figured that I need to peep in a window, or just knock on the door. I opted for the peep.
Slowly I crept up onto the porch and carefully and as silently as possible tip toed across the creaky boards to the back door. If I had to knock I would, but I saw that the there was space under the shade on the back door window...from memory I should be able to see through the kitchen back into the living room.
I honkered down on one knee and squinted through the slit...
And there...maybe a whole 6 feet away from me....in full view and all it's glory...was the 60 year old diabetic Mom, cigarette hanging out of the corner of her mouth....giving the 80 year old...wheelchair ridden....completely and totally butt naked grandma a spongebath at the kitchen sick.
Now boys spend a good part of their teenage years thinking about peeping in windows to see two women bathing each other. I can tell you from experience that it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Out of fear, in horror, and with great nausea, I turned, jumped off the porch and ran....I ran and ran.